Debbie Does Death – A Romantic Comedy, in 2 Acts
Running length – approx. 1-1/2 hours with one intermission
Debbie – a young promiscuous cheerleader, very athletic
Death – balding, middle-age and paunchy
The Man Who Dies A Thousand Deaths – all the other various men in Debbie’s life played by one very physical actor
The play opens with Debbie and The Man, as a football player, on a football field. The Man dies. Death appears and is interested in Debbie. She does not realize who he is. He tries to convince her but Debbie does not believe he is really Death. Death asks her to help him in his work and she rebuffs him. Death pursues Debbie and shows up wherever she is – at a funeral, in an aerobics class, at a club with other Men. All the Men die as Death tries to convince her who he is. Debbie doesn’t like Death following her and reports him to the police. The policeman dies and Debbie is outraged. She now believes he is Death but she sets out to prove that life is a force equally strong. Debbie flees from Death but he keeps showing up. Unsuccessful so far in his attempts to get Debbie to wake up to her life and stop screwing around, Death gives Debbie a fatal disease – breast cancer.
Debbie is now a cancer patient. She loses one breast, then her hair, then her vitality. She is now very interested in Death and she pursues him. Death is skittish. Debbie may be going downhill physically but her lust for life is growing. She doesn’t plan to give up on sex either. Death is not sure he can handle this much life – but it is attractive. Debbie has a few more encounters with other Men, each a little more gracious and generous, and each time the Man dies. Death is getting a little jealous now. The Man Who Dies a Thousand Deaths has finally figured out the pattern and he schemes to have Debbie couple with Death so that he will be spared. But Death is way ahead of him and kills the Man, a particularly nasty death this time. Death is mad and reasserts his power. Debbie moves in to conclude her seduction of Death. She thinks she can change him, and she can – ever so slightly. Death no longer resists Debbie and they finally have sex. At the moment of their climax, Debbie dies. Death is subtly but profoundly changed. Death reaches out his hand in friendship and bewilderment to The Man who this time takes sit, looks Death in the eye and does not flinch. The End.